ESSAYS
FAQ: Why Do I Feel Stuck?
Dear Man,
Without pretending to know you, there is a reasonable and relatable hypothesis I am willing to make about your stuckness, and it is that you are likely experiencing some combination of the following:
A) when it comes to getting "unstuck," you don’t know where to start,
B) you are (consciously or unconsciously) avoiding finding out WHY you feel stuck, because it is going to bring up some truths that will bring up some emotions that will be less than pleasant to sit with,
C) and/or you’ve actually been doing a whole bunch of shit to try and unstick yourself, none of which seems to be working—as is one of the downsides of trying to solve a problem without first understanding its root cause.
This is relatable and it isn’t your fault. Who wants to seek out heavy truths/emotions when we're not taught how to navigate them, or to even admit that we have them at all? Our lack of training in matters of feeling is cultural. I’ll touch a bit more on that briefly.
And while this is not your fault, it is your responsibility. It’s up to you to own the situation you’re in, and if you’re feeling stuck and unsatisfied, to do something about it, so that you can live a better life and forge a more meaningful path forward.
Being stuck is easier.
FAQ: Why Do I Keep Chasing Women Who Don’t Want Me Back?
Dude, what a brave question.
The fact that you say you "keep" chasing women who don't want you back indicates that this has been a pattern. The fact that you've asked the question at all means that you're seeking an answer—which, at the very least, means you want to understand the root of the pattern. I'll take it a step further and imagine that with this understanding, you want to break the pattern, live more fully, and fulfill your desire for reciprocal love and connection.
I can't pretend to know exactly what you're feeling, but I can tell you that I have danced my own dance with unrequited love and have endured much beautiful suffering in its grips. It hurts so good. If we sat down for a whiskey or some tea, I'd tell you about the free-spirited French Canadian surfer chick who stole my heart in Montreal, or the…
If You Think Dating Sucks
Change requires ownership: own and accept the current reality, action: different results require different action, and endurance: one must endure the pain (internal and external) that comes as an inevitable result of taking ownership and taking action. If it was easy, everyone would do it, most will not.
This essay is meant to be a guided walk through the woods towards the change you seek. Slow and meandering, it won’t be a straight path (you can scroll directly to the question and offering sections if you want a more expedited trip), but as long as you keep walking—if you’re open and honest and brave enough to face whatever you encounter out here, you will come home a different person.
In plain english: if you read the following (whether from start to finish or you jump around a bit), answer the questions (honestly, slowly, intentionally) and consider the offerings presented within, you will set in motion changes that will impact your dating life, and you will not be able to return to the old way.
Confidence in the Culture Box
Though it often goes unspoken, a lot of dudes struggle with confidence.
Many of the men I've coached and mentored over the last decade have bravely and painfully spoken the words, "I am not confident" or "I have no confidence" in our sessions together. For a long time, I thought the same was true about myself.
I no longer hold this belief, and I don't think it's true for you, either.
What I have found to be more accurate is this: